June 16th, 2016


Each week I am significantly better. I'm now beginning to see just how sick I've been these last few years. I am now more able to do physical activity than any time in the last twelve months and I still have a month of primary healing to get through before I'm fully functional. This means my 'fully functional' is going to be rather more functional than I've been in a long time.

Every day there are moments when the sky opens and I see the world differently. My moment yesterday was when I realised that I'd managed to walk in 2 degrees to teaching, taught for 2 hours and then walk in 6 degrees back home and was still fine for the afternoon's (energetic) hospital stuff. I didn't get much done in the evening, but I'm still new enough out of my operation so that all the nurses remember me (and say 'hi' every time I go in for appointments) so accomplishing that whole day made me smile. The week before I didn't manage the walk home and the second half of cardio-gym was much harder. The week before that we were all surprised I got to teaching at all.

I can still be fragile - I have to have control over what I do and when. This means I miss out on doing stuff in Sydney this weekend, for I can't spend a whole day away from home and not come home at night. Still, considering...

I have more to consider now, for I know the full extent of the operation and I know that it was a complete success. Even by cardiology standards my operation was a major one, for my cardiologist said so. And successful, for they say that, too. And yesterday a nurse gave me a high five because my post-op cholesterol levels are perfect.

I can still only do 8 to 10 hours work a week, but my energy is returning and it won't be long before I can do everything. it's surprising what a difference a fully functioning heart makes to life. What's also surprising is how much one can do when very ill and how many people can tell one, reassuringly, that the problem is with food and exercise and one's self-opinion. I'm still getting advice on these things from people who don't stop and think. I've been very polite to people who give me good advice so far and who assume that all this was my fault and who are far too enthusiastic about telling me so. My tolerance won't last beyond a certain point, however, and as my sarcasm returns it will become less safe for anyone to tell me I should have done.

I'm still getting help with things - I can't do all my housework yet, for instance and I'm reluctant to catch buses until the sternum is fully healed (I have a tendency to grab and hold bars when a bus turns corners too quickly, which is not good for unhealed bone) but, still, considering...

So many people around me are dying of sniffles and want me to hold their hand. If they have other issues in their lives and the sniffles are simply an acceptable public way of dealing, then I shall do so, with pleasure. If they're being self-indulgent then I fear that sarcasm might be forthcoming.

I suspect I'm not as nice a person as I was before I was so curiously misdiagnosed*. I have less time for special petals, especially when the special petals are the very same people who decided I wasn't unwell and didn't need any help, attention or even to be included in social events over the last three years. There are a half dozen people in this category and I simply have less time for them than I did. This makes entire sense, considering...

*I'm referring to being told I had to lose weight last year rather than being seen as unwell, not in having raced to hospital with an asthma attack and coming out with a quadruple bypass.

(no subject)

I have 2 1/2 months of LJ to catch up with and it appears I cannot. It frustrates me to not know what happened to everyone between the day I was admitted into hospital and about a week ago. I shall do my best to get a bit further back, but I'd be very happy to be updated by anyone who has had cool things happen or has needed my sympathy or who has a recipe to share.

Speaking of recipes, should I put a recipe into my next article? I will have written it by Saturday night, so the decision is one that must be made now. It will be a pudding recipe. Maybe two pudding recipes. And they will directly relate to the article. (Whether the editor lets them through is a matter for the editor to decide.)