July 4th, 2016

(no subject)

I have had my first person since the operation (my first cousin in fact) pushing me to lose weight to reach the ideal rather than the safe. She asked me "What's the worst that could happen?" I'm afraid I replied "I could be dead."

I knew the social pressure to lose weight would appear, but I didn't expect it do soon, nor did I expect it the week after it was noted that I am 12-13 kilos lighter than when I was in hospital (7-8 kilos lighter than before I entered hospital). The cheerful and helpful advice makes me totally certain I'll not join the weight-losing "do this above all" bandwagon.

I am doing 90 minutes exercise a day and healing my heart as quickly as I can. I am eating according to guidelines. I have metabolic disorder. And then I'm told it's my decision, but it's a really bad one and I am merely making excuses for not targeting a lower weight than my body can actually tolerate. Not my bandwagon. Not any more.

I get my next major medical check later in the week. The weight targets were a very small part of the advice to me from the person responsible for the next stage on my rehab. They're guidelines only and have still to be ratified or struck down by my doctor. My actual weight target the doctor has already approved , that is, we're all on the same page for the ideal goal for the next six months. It's the long term goal that my doctor hasn't seen. I suspect she won't approve of it, for she can see my body shape and knows what I'm coming from and going to. The reason losing weight is now one of the major goals (even though I'm in the safe range for me, personally) is that the more important goals have already been achieved. There are no really ick side effects from the medication that we can tell. My blood pressure is about there. The bad cholesterol has already reached its ideal. I'm heading for good health apace.

I've had advice from all and sundry about blood pressure and cholesterol already: it's the advice about the weight that has the emotional component, for some of my overweight was a by-product of the heart and, as you know, when my previous cardiologist focussed on my weight last year he didn't think to check my arteries. So there's a big emotional component when someone pushes me on my weight and tells me the problem is in my perception.

The reason I'm being open about this is because I've noticed it happens to many women and to some men. And so you get a bit of rant from me instead of the really interesting post I'd planned about what's happening in my work life. I have articles coming out and chapters coming out. And I have enough money to live on and am meeting all my deadlines despite not healing as quickly as I want to heal and being browned off by my lack of progress this week. And I'm seeing bunches of friends now that I have a bit more energy. Life is pretty good, when I look past the everyday pain. The everyday pain and fatigue is still too high, but it's slowly coming down.